Sarah posted a condolence
Monday, May 18, 2020
Grandma. I am so sorry I couldn't come see you for so many years. The thought of you growing old, it scared me. You are one of the most beautiful women I know and I needed to hold on to that. The details to my memories are fading, but I can remember you dressed up during Christmas, family gatherings and your laugh. I can remember you gave the best hugs, and I didnt really enjoy getting hugs. I remember your waving and tears as we drove away after holiday or family visit from Florida. I remember you took care of me when I needed you the most. I know as a child I can remember you often finding me on the stairs to our Uncles steps in the front of the house. Most adults would tell me to get off and go and "have fun" with the others. You would laugh your beautiful laugh and sit with me. You let me go into rooms the older kids got yelled at for loitering :) I think you knew I was different. I wanted to explore your home when others were outside and play outside when everyone was in and it seemed you always knew where to find me. Your parties were loud and you would comfort me when you found me alone and away from everyone. You never made me feel bad. I learned so much from you. The love you gave everyone and with every bit of you. One favorite memory will always be going to The Christmas Tree Shop. I remember shopping with you and how much you loved to spend money on crafts and Christmas stuff. I really think the little time I was with you as a child and a tween, that you instilled my best qualities in me. You taught me to be open minded, to think, to enjoy crafting/decorating and to love. You never shunned us for our choices but would offer meaningful advice that I could take in and appreciate. The comfort you offered us in our (my older sister and I) saddest moments. We could talk to you about anything without judgement. You weren't just physically beautiful, you were a genuine beauty inside, and its so hard to find in this world. I should have called more. I miss your voice.
The last year I saw you, my son wasn't even a full year old. He is now 9 and I have two others you never got to meet who I know you would have enjoyed and they you. I wanted to call you, I wanted to see you, I wanted to be with you but I couldn't. I dont believe in GOD. I wish I could say I know you are reading this, seeing it, feeling it somehow and know how much I miss you. But I am most certain you dont. I never got to say hello, let alone say goodbye. You have done so much for so many people and every year I got older I started to see how much more you deserved in this lifetime. You did Grandma. You were worth so much more than you were handed and its not fare. One thing I will take from this is that you never stopped being you through it all. No matter how hard it got for you, through it all you were still just as beautiful, still just as kind, and still just as open minded but perhaps a bit more stubborn. So many could learn from you. Rest in peace Grandma, you dont need to worry about what life has left to deal out to you, anymore. I love you.
